Our First Dowry Ceremony!

Another new experience in Rwanda!  Many, many things have happened and I have a lot of them recorded but this was so great I'm going to start here and work backwards through the last couple of weeks.  We were invited to the first ceremony of three that take place before a couple gets married here. Saturday afternoon we made our way to the Gara's house.  The Father of the Bride, John Gara had been the head of the RDB... the Rwanda Development Board, and Bruce had done a lot of work together with John, as CMU was being set up. Eva Gara, the bride's mother and I were introduced through Anne Rugege and I really enjoy her company.  She is a lot of fun!

This is what the invitation said.

Umuryango wa John Gara 

unejejwe no kubatumira mu muhango

wo Gusaba no Gukwa

umwana wabo

JOANNA FRIGAGIZA GARA

Uzaba kuwa 3 Ugushyingo 2012

Saa munani (14h00) mu rugo

iwabo i Nyarutarama

Yes, we had to have it interpreted, but since the invitation said the ceremony would start at 2:00 we arrived at 1:55. This is what we saw in their backyard, when we arrived.  Everything was so beautiful.  I can't imagine how a wedding can be any prettier! This was the groom's side and they don't arrive until the bride's side is seated --so they can be welcomed by the bride's family.  This is the ceremony where the bride's father accepts or rejects the groom-to-be--after the 2 familes meet.
 (But where are all the guests?)

 This is the bride's side and where we would be sitting..
and as you can see this ceremony probably won't start at 2.  

This is the centerpiece for the whole ceremony.... but at this point i thought

it looked like the seats in Narnia!   We had no idea who would be sitting in this 

throne-like room! But it was beautiful.

 These traditional items are a given for any marriage. 
The white basket or Igisike is used for storage.  
The large gourd hanging from the ceiling,
the Igisabo
is used to carry the creme (fat) from the cow's milk to the house in order to make cheese.  And the little bottle like containers that look like large chess pieces are
   containers or Ibyansi that the milk is stored in.  

Some more guests arrive----they all eventually
get there, in fact they had to set up a LOT
more chairs! 

 Had fun playing with this little one behind us.

The drums finally set things off along with the chorus of singers
singing traditional music. 

Amarraba Dancers, is what Innocent told me later they are all
called. The real dancers didn't show up until later, but apparently,
the singers, drummers and dancers are all called Amarraba.

Filling up now....

Singers exit stage right.

Momma, Eva enters.... She and her outfit were both beautiful!

 Stopping to greet a friend or relative ahead of us. 

 Amarraba Dancers are back.  But
now.. just heavy, loud drum beats as the groom's
family enters!  
It is now 3:30!  

The groom's family crosses to meet the Gara's. 

They bring gifts....the colorful jacket guys are the groomsmen.

They bring cases of pop!

And then the real ceremony begins! 
Each family must chose a speaker for their family.
Neither family speaks throughout the whole affair,
just the ones chosen to speak for them. 
Here the speakers are meeting and sharing a drink
to set things off..  I think it was apple juice.

Each speaker said a few words and then 
the girls arrived to do traditional 
Rwandan dancing..

During this time drinks are passed out to each person.
All drinks being opened ahead of each person, as well.
No alcohol.. only pop, water or juice. Very
much the custom here.  It was very crowded
and cozy so getting drinks to all the guests on
both sides was quite a job for the servers. 

The girls exited and then came the guys!

Check out where his feet are?

Love their smiles! 

And then the speaker after saying many things received questions about
the groom from the bride's family.
"Since the groom is from Ghana and it is often that men have many
wives there, how are we to know he won't do this?"
The speaker would then reply with some fun answers.
" Women can also have more than one husband...."

" Is there any bad blood between the families?   We see this man
in white..  There were words and issues.. Are these resolved? 
The speaker replied... "Since his crimes were in English we will say
that they didn't count.  All is well with the families."
All in jest and part of the dance of this courtship time.

Then the big question.
"HOW MANY COWS DO YOU BRING TO GIVE?"

After much banter about the cows, it finally comes out
that they will give 8 pregnant cows.  This is a huge dowry!
And the the cow herdsman come to sing and dance and
tell their tale. 

There were two... one in red and one in white.  
One from each family.  One to bring the cows and the other to check 
on the cows... to see if they are really in good health. 

Well, no cows appeared but while these two were singing 
back and forth... the "laptop cows" were mooing like crazy.  
Apparently they don't bring the cows to the ceremonies like 
they used to but it is still huge part of the tradition.

 After the cows were "given" the family announces that they accept the groom
and that he can have their daughter.  ( Mom and Dad of the groom on the far right).

So the groom now prepares to meet his new family.

His groomsmen, too!

The groom is accepted by the speaker first.

Then the men approach the "throne-room" and wait. 

 Not until this moment does the bride and her wedding party
enter the ceremony.

They first greet the groom's family and the bride is welcomed!

The bride, Joanna in red and gold and Justice the groom, in all white.

At this time they either exchanged rings.
or he just give her an engagement ring. I'm not sure what happened. 
The ceremony was all in Kinyarwanda so we only understood what those around us were interrupting for us.  They were so kind!

A new friend, David that we had just met took my camera and
took 2-3 pictures here for me. 

After the giving of the ring/rings the bride, groom and best man and lady
sat in the 4 chairs.
David brought my camera back and I was trying to discretely take pictures but the people around me said... "go up there and take their picture". .so i did, but i was the only "girl" doing so. All the other photographers were guys! 

Handsome groom and beautiful bride!

Ah.. so now we know it was just Joanna that received a ring..
Justice must have to wait until the wedding.
As i was hurrying back to my seat..
the Intore dancers came rushing in to dance for the couple.
Got back to my seat, just in time.

                   

And as they are dancing, the singers are singing and some were playing these instruments that looked just like "cow bone" horns... Innocent told me today, they are called Amahembe horns but 
 when they are played they are called Kuvuza Amahembe.
They had a low haunting kind of sound.

A close up!

 After those guys left these sweet little girls came and
danced for the wedding party. Justice's mom looking on. 

After some more speeches from the speakers... It was finally decided
that the bride's family totally agreed to give their daughter.
( I'm not sure that's what happened here. but something like that).
It seemed that there were 3 times during the ceremony where
the family agreed to give her in marriage...but i didn't understand
that part.
By this time we are 3 hours into the ceremony and 4 1/2 hours
after some of us had arrived at 2:00.
The following picture describes what was really going on
at this moment in time.
4 cells in a row!  Just for the record..  I still don't like cell phones.

But right after I took this picture.. it was over.  The bride and groom
and wedding party... took off for the inside of the house.
As they began their walk the DJ played beautiful worship music!
After another 10 minutes or so.. people started getting up and greeting
one another.

Crystal came over and took our picture and informed us
that the bridal party would be going out for dinner because
they couldn't come to the sit down dinner being offered at the house.
Why, you ask? Because the dinner was only for those 50 years and older.
I don't know if this is always the case or just for this party but we couldn't stay.
I guess if you do stay you are telling your age...( and we couldn't have that, ha)
Oh, and yes, if you were wondering.  We were the only muzungos present.

So, we missed the culminating event of the evening. 
Some folks had told us that this ceremony usually lasts about
2 hours but as you can tell it started at 2 and now it is dark..actually around 6:30.
So we had to leave.  I felt badly about that because I'm sure it was a lovely 
dinner and rest of the evening.  

Thank you, John and Eva for a great experience.
I hope I got most of the ceremony correct and that I didn't misinterpret too much.  
What a rich tradition of the two families coming together 
and although a lot of it was in jest --it was enhanced by the joy and humor that love 
brings.  The joining together of both family's relatives and friends brought a
flavor of accountability that says these two young people are suited for one another.
And everyone agreed! 

The only sad thing for me was that they didn't actually 
bring the 8 cows to the ceremony. 
 That would have been very mooooving! 

What a great afternoon! 

I trust that the Lord will bless this new couple in their relationship before 
marriage and all through their life together.

love,
margie